I'm Too Quiet For My Own Good

 "What?? I can't hear you, speak up!" I have heard this phrase or some variation of it almost every day for as long as I can remember. This is the phrase that tells me I need to take a deep breath and start over, making a conscious effort to speak louder so that the person standing just 3 feet away from me can hear whatever it is I have to say. I can assure you that I have full lung capacity and the complete physical ability to be loud, but for reasons I don't quite understand, my default has always been quiet.

Perhaps along those same lines, perhaps not, I have what you might call a very good filter.  You know that person who seems to say anything and everything that pops into their head, usually resulting in inappropriate comments at even more inappropriate times? I am not that person.  I tend to say very little of what is actually in my head. I can think of a couple reasons for this: first, I hate confrontation. It is one of the very few things that I truly hate in this world. As a result, if my saying something has the potential to make someone else angry, subsequently creating confrontation, I would rather just not say it. Secondly, verbally articulating my thoughts has never been a strong suit of  mine. Words seem to get stuck in my mouth, and frequently I end up sounding like an idiot who may or may not know the alphabet. This is especially true when I tried to talk about things that I am passionate about.

Fortunately though, I do know the alphabet, as evidenced by my recent graduation from the University of Washington. I loved my time in college. And I even learned a few things there. Not the least of which is that, while I despise it, I'm a pretty good writer. I'm a pretty good writer, and when I write, I have the ability to articulate my thoughts in a way that I often don't through speech: clearly and concisely. The only explanation I have for this is that writing allows me to first be able to think about and process how I feel about a situation before responding. When in conversation with someone, it is often the expectation that a response will be immediate. While I can and do do this on a daily basis, my responses through speech, in my opinion, are far less intelligent sounding than if I have the chance to sit down and write it.

 College taught me something else too: I have a lot to say. In the weeks since graduation, this fact is left me with quite the dilemma.  I don't speak much (at least as compared to what's in my head, anyway), and when I do, it's likely that I won't say it anywhere near loud enough for anyone to hear, but I have a lot to say. Essentially, I am too quiet for my own good. This leaves me with one option: writing what  I think. As I said earlier, I really don't like writing, but as of about three weeks ago, I suddenly have a lot more time on my hands.

So, I figure I will give this blogging thing a try (again). Welcome to  Sometimes I Think_____. This is the place where I will say what I think without actually saying it.  I hope you enjoy the ride, it could be a fun one :-)